And then there were two

I'm feeling so useless. I haven't been out since I got back on Thursday nite. It's kinda embarassing blogging since I have nothing to say. I've been completely u s e l e s s. Charlie has been going mad running around the house. I suppose my parents place must seem like a castle compared to my small apartment. Oh yea... it's Chinese New Year isn't it? All the fireworks going off must've clued me in. Sheesh.

I just registered to join Rice Bowl Journals. I'm not sure if I'm suppose to put up a link to their page yet, since I'm still 'pending' to be a member. Actually, there isn't much I can do to update my layout since my computer here is a dinosour. I have to wait till I get back to my apartment before I can do anything. Amit's online... going to go chat with him...

I spoke to Amit earlier. Used an IDD calling card. I suppose I'll be buying a lot of those from now on. He sounded like he missed me too. :)

I had set aside one ciggie to smoke since Amit was leaving and all. I haven't smoked it yet though. I hope I don't have to. It's officially been 30 days now. My breathing is considerably better. Saturday is Chinese New Year. I know I sound like a broken record, but I wish Amit was here to celebrate it together - not that I celebrate but... yeah...

Went to class (skipped Computers) and after that I was rushing home when I realised that there's no one to rush home to. That feeling sucks. Felt a dull aching in my stomach. I feel like he's not going to come back. That this is it. He's the one that went away. The one I'll sit down and think about and when I do, I'll feel an aching in my heart. I feel like all the promises were made in vain. That I'll never see him again.

Man, I sure can get melodramatic...

Anyways, Charlie had his first Cat Carrier ride today. He made so much noise I wanted to smack him (of course I didn't). Halfway through he settled down though and let me drive in peace. Now he's running around my mum's place. He's so excited. I hope I don't confuse him too much by bringing him up and down all the time.

I'm waiting for Amit. He's not online. Why...

It feels really weird to wake up alone. I keep expecting something to happen. I can't figure it out. Everything is different, yet everything is the same. I miss Amit. Gotta get to college.

My modem is finally fixed thanks to Ray. He actually came over and cleaned up my computer for me. Now it feels all fresh and new. I've got all nice clean files waiting for my itchy fingers to install rubbish and fuck it up again.

Anyway, on to more important stuff. I finally got better on Monday morning. Thank God. I thought I'd never get better and won't be able to spend any time with Amit. Amit's gone though. Left today at 9.15pm. At this moment, he's probably still flying to India. And I'm at home feeling lost. I honestly don't know what to do with myself. I don't know what to feel. Jay, Abe and Dilip were at the airport to send him off as well. I think I didn't cry because they were there. Just sniffled a little. But watching Amit go felt like I was watching someone else go, not Amit. It feels like Amit's just gone jamming or something. Soon I'll realise he's not coming back and... sigh. Charlie is acting really weird. I think he knows that Amit's gone. I'm so tired. I'm sad. I'm alone. I'm waiting for my baby to call me...