A Moment of Weakness

Yesterday, after 2 months of being a ciggerette free person, I lit up. Just one ciggie. After a moment of weakness. The situation with Amit hadn't gotten any better (he was really pissed. Blaming me for not being able to borrow money. He and I haven't spoken since I told him) and there I was sitting alone in American Chilli's, feeling well... alone. And Avin called out of nowhere and said he'll loan me the money. I just kept thinking, "Amit has got a lot of good friends'. And for the first time in two months, I really really felt like a ciggie.

So I asked the waiter if he would be so good as to give me a ciggie...

The first puff was... so... it was like I was back where I belonged. I caught myself asking the question, "Why did I bother to stop?" And as the ciggerette burned low, I got a little panicky, "I want more" I kept thinking.

As soon as I stubbed out the ciggerette, I almost ran back to the car. The taste of the ciggie lingering in my mouth. I drove out of there as fast as I could lest I succumb and decide to get a pack to smoke. And that was it. After a while the wanting slowly subsided. And that was good.

I went out last nite and I didn't smoke another stick. So I kinda felt a little proud. I hope I don't laspe into the smoking habit again. I don't mind smoking once in a while, but I'm afraid if I do that, I'll start smoking heavily again. I hate the dependency I had on ciggerettes. Two months ago, if I were at home and I had no more ciggerettes, I'd almost panick, quickly rushing out to buy some more. Actually, I hate being dependent on anything. Having someone or something control you.

That must not happen....

What a day...

Sigh... sometimes I get fooled into thinking that the day is going to be ok. Then out of nowhere, disaster strikes. Or visa versa. Like take for example yesterday. It started off pretty badly. I was on my way to (what I thought to be) my final mid term paper, and found out the road that I usually use was closed, and so I was like 20 minutes late for my exam. But lo... my paper was actually today. So basically, somehow I managed to get the dates mixed up, and I was a day early for the paper. After that though, things started looking a little better. I went for all my casting calls and then went shopping! haha, I spent so much in IKEA. All those little bins they put along the way with loow loow prices... they're EVIL! Don't keep picking things up because they ADD UP to a huge total. At Jusco I got the cheap shelves that I figured I might as well buy till I get enough cash to buy good ones. Now everything is everywhere... my apartment looks like a tornado hit it.

Dilip and I managed to fill up air in all of Amit's car tyres except for the front passenger side tyre because that was the one they (they meaning we dont know who the bastards are that did this) slashed. We were planning to get a new tyre today since the tyre shop was already closed yesterday. So yesterday I went home happy happy...

But then...

Today started off fine enough. Went for my paper. Bought cat food. And flowers! I love flowers. I love receiving them and sending them. But I never buy them. So today I bought myself flowers. I bought lovely yellow daisies. I love daisies. They're so simple, sweet and straight to the point. I also bought other flowers that I don't know the name to. So there I was, happy happy...

Then...

Turns out the cleaner and maintanance guy couldn't make it to my place so my water heater is still busted and my apartment hasn't been cleaned. Then I didn't get the role as the ambassador of this new product that they're launching. They needed 3 girls. They had to pick between 5.... they ended up picking just 2 girls, and I wasn't one of them.

Then of course the big daddy of all problems.... Not getting the part, not having hot water and living in a dirty apartment, all I can deal with... but I don't know how to deal with this.

When Dilip and I went to Amit's car to replace his tyre, some bastard (we assume it was the same one) had stolen both the tyres from the drivers side. I don't know how to tell Amit because I'm quite sure he'll be pissed. And I don't know what to do. I don't have the cash to get new rims and tyres (it comes to about RM500) since I spent so much money yesterday. How can anyone do this? Is this supposed to be some sick joke? I don't know who to borrow money from plus I don't feel nice borrowing money, since I don't know when I'll be able to pay them back.

Sigh...

Let me tell you....

If at any time your little village suffering from the worst heat wave ever and you desperately need rain to quench the thirst of your dying crops, let me tell you a sure fire way to summon rain - go and wash your car. The scientific forces that be will automatically look at this little act of washing your car and immediately summon a rain like never before. The more expensive or the harder you work to wash your car, the harder the rain pour will be. For added bonus, you could polish your car as well.

Heck, I do it all the time...